well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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