My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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