Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
