His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
