So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
