I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
