He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
