Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
