So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
