I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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