Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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