The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
