So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
