I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
