And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
not ubering you a puppy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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