Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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