i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We smell like vodka and hangover
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