I'm laying in your front yard are you home
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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