There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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