New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
