A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
