just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
