I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
