Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
