i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
