WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
