I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
