Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
