Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
