When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
