Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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