i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
