I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
