We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
