Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
