Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
