In the future we'll all be gay
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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