Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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