all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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