I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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