The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
