Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
