Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
