i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You took a bar mat shot.
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so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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