Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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