So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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