yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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