i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
