Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
