dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
