Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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