Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The best revenge is premature balding
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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