i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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