it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
