I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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