Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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