I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
