singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
