remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
