Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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