I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
