Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
