you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
