Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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