The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
