carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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