glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
