Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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