Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
