When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
