Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
