hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
