So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
