btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
