I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
