I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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