if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
